Every year at Christmas, my mother invariably buys me clothes. Which is fine, as long as it's just jeans or socks or maybe a button-down shirt. But she insists on buying me t-shirts with wacky sayings on them. It's a real window into what my mother thinks I'm like when you consider that past shirts have said things like "You call it slacking--I call it dedicated inactivity" or "I just can't take it anymore". I look forward to next year's shirt, which will most likely say something like "I'm not really a worthless piece of shit, but I can see why you would think that".